You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
