My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
