bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"