I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
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onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
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Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.