Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.