Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
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I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
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Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.