i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
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i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
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I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it