there's paper in my vomit.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.