I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding