I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??