If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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