I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?