fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
you made out with another girl for some wings
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
