she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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