WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize