i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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