u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Randomize
