What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize
