The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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