TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
and you fell through a lawn chair
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