Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
