turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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