Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
