every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
