I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Randomize
