He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
