thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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