I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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