When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
