Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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