can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
