her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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