I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
