Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
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