She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
