Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
