So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
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Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
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I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
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