Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
