UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
