I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
