New invention idea: vibrating tampons
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Randomize
