Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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