I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
