I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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