i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
