So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
