You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
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The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Just pee around me
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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