It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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