I cannot find my penis.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
