Screwed.edu
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
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