I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
two words: eviction party
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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