this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
