I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
