Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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