he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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