If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
