ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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