I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
