All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
