Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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