Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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