eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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