i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
