the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
