she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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