I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
