And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
