it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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