So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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