Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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