I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
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