what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
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What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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