It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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