YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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