My brain says no but my pants say off.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
