Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Barsexuality is the new black.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
