once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
