You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
