yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
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