really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
