and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Randomize
