did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
