It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
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My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
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And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
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