Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
