11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
only if we run a train.
done.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
