that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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